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This Little Masochist

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Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
11:31 pm - kiss the violets
thanks again, jake my love!

i'll be wearing your tattooCollapse )

current mood: stressed
Comments: 2 models - walk the runway.
11:13 pm - only women bleed
hmm...so yes. haven't updated in forever, as usual. i've been so busy!

my maymester went well--kicked it's ass. i'm currently in the midst of my 5 wk semester for spanish and gov...they're going fine. gov is a little harder than i thought it would be, but it's somewhat interesting. i'd really enjoy it if it weren't at 8 in the morning. and i have to give senora credit--i still remember so much from spanish at keystone, it's ridiculous. i'm like, top of my class at utsa (not that it means anything at all...welcome to 14th grade, i swear.)

and on top of the 12 hours i'm taking this summer, i'm working 30 hrs a week at applebees. it's really fun...i enjoy it so much! i LOVE everyone i work with...bosses, cooks, hosts/hostesses, and fellow servers. there's this one guy...gio...i swear. if i weren't dating matt, there'd be something cooking in the kitchen besides food. haha. but no worries...i don't really like him like that...i just could see myself liking him a lot, if i weren't completely in love. you know how it goes.

lalala...and in my free time i'm busy getting stuff together for my apartment and hanging out with matt. it's so depressing...i have no time. i've had emotional breakdowns several times this summer already, simply cuz i'm working myself to the bone. it's so bad that even matt's friends are concerned...as in, they can tell something's really wrong. but at least matt and my parents understand...matt knows i'm totally stressed out and having a hard time. i'm just glad he's there for me...

hmm. so yeah...i think that's about it for now. court...are you still alive? i emailed you about a week ago and i haven't heard back from you...did you not get my email or are you just insanely busy? either way, much love and kisses/misses...see you soon!

anyone who's bored...come have me wait on you at the applebee's at the vineyard! i miss you all!

love ya'll!

current mood: tired
Comments: 1 model - walk the runway.
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
11:49 pm - see, this pedestal is high and i'm afraid of heights
first off, courtney...
i tried to email you back the other day, and i was almost done with my email when the power turned off (massive storm). couldn't motivate myself to retype a short novel when the power returned...just letting you know that i will get back to you soon and i'm not blowing you off.

ps~you have an official invitation to my tattoo party later this summer/dying-my-hair-hot-pink party. it's gonna be fun!

everyone else~
i'm still alive and kicking (as the staff and faculty and dean of UTSA is well aware...long story, i'll tell it next time...)

love ya'll!

current mood: worn out
Comments: 1 model - walk the runway.
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
10:14 am - with ribbons undone...
mmkay. said i'd post these, so i'll go ahead. (damn, i keep stealing everything from jake! i love you, and keep posting the fun stuff!)

just picking up daisiesCollapse )

current mood: procrastinating...
Comments: 1 model - walk the runway.
Thursday, April 14th, 2005
9:45 am - it was a slight miscalculation
hmm...i don't even know where to begin...it's been so long since i've posted an actual "update."

since i still have to get dressed for the day, take a test, and study for two AWFUL exams tomorrow, i think i'm gonna do this in bullets.

~matt and i had our two year anniversary last wednesday. two years! neither of us could believe it. and to think, it's only just beginning.
~COURTNEY!::: JR (remember him?) is getting MARRIED!!!!!! i nearly passed out.
~i had a modeling gig on monday...it went soooo well! the photographer was incredible, and he was so nice, too. i stayed for like an hour after it was over to talk to him, and he promised that he'd call me again if any other gigs come up, which they will. he was very complimentary.
~still working on my cat fund (the pet deposit at my apartment for next year is $500!...without a job, i've managed to come up with $296 so far this semester)
~i can't believe classes are almost over again (actually, yeah i can...), and i have registration for fall in a week and for summer at utsa in two...if all goes according to plan, then i'll be graduating spring '07
~i got into this really prestigious honors research group here at ut...it's reserved specifically for juniors, and while i'm technically a junior in terms of hours, i'm still only a first year. but i got in, and this means that i'll be heading up my own research project next year, funded completely by the university! tim agreed to help me (my research prof), so he's gonna be my sponsor. i can't wait.
~i still have to apply for the psychology major here...the program is realy difficult, and it's hard to get in (i mean, you have to apply for the major!)...while i'm above and beyond all the requirements, they don't like students with too many hours...but i should be okay, considering i'm still gonna be here for another two years.

i think that's it...i gotta go make myself look presentable, go grab some bubble tea, and kick a child development exam's ass. see ya.

love ya'll!

p.s. for whoever saw the previous entry (the "star the true statements" one...) i stole that from jake's lj (thanks, buddy!) but i didn't have time to update it for myself...so whoever saw that, those were jake's answers. mine are coming soon...i just don't have time right now (i deleted the entry for now so that now one gets confused)

current mood: just there.
Comments: 2 models - walk the runway.
Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
4:31 pm - sweet sangria
new icon courtesy of scarlet_22!!!!!

hoochie womanCollapse )

current mood: humored
Comments: walk the runway.
4:10 pm - you’re a girl rising from a shell running through spring
okay, court, this post is all for you.

you made me cry! your update on my website wall was so wonderful. people stumble through life alone so often, and i'm so glad that i have you guiding me by the hand. you lead me to some pretty interesting places, but that's what makes life worth living. our adventures have just begun, girl! this summer is going to rock.

and as for last summer, it's forgotten. that's not your problem at all and be glad you weren't involved in it. i'm glad you didn't have to see me at my lowest. but i never held any hard feelings towards you...there is only love in my heart where you lay.

courtney, never forget who you are. all of the beauty, intelligence, personality, spunk, and uniqueness that is you...you are irreplaceable. not just in the world, but in my life. i will never let you go...friends like you are honestly once in a lifetime.

thanks so much for everything you do for me. i'm honored and humbled to be considered your friend, let alone one of you best friends.

i miss you and love you so much.

current mood: touched
Comments: walk the runway.
Monday, March 7th, 2005
9:22 pm - the glory of the 80s
or in this case...the 90s. check all that apply; give yourself a grade!

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE!"
~sadly, yes

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air." (In west
Philadelphia born and raised..)
~parts, but i'll count it anyways

4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
~lol, yes!

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a
club of your own.
~mmm, never tried to start my own club, but i totally did pretend i was a babysitter, too

6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
~oh yeah. complete with the scented cupcakes.

7. You know that "WHOA" comes from Joey on Blossom.

8. Two words: M.C. Hammer ...

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
~pretty sure! =)

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
~i think i did, at least on my first bike. i think they were purple and pink

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales"

12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday
to watch cartoons....

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
~hahahaha, oh suitcase era...

14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at
~aaaaah, i still play oregon trail when i'm bored!

16. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter Shack, House).
~not only mash, but also extreme mash: "MASHET"

17. You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it.

18. L.A. Gear

19. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. ...

20. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the
Ramona books.
~yeah, but not my favorite...

21. you know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
~who doesn't?

22. You wanted to be a Goonie!

23. You ever wore flourescent clothing and tie dye too!
~it's depressing. i even had a poofy flourescent multicolored scrunchie thing.

24. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell

25. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf....
~yeah. i don't really care, though.

26. You took lunch pails to school

27. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
~i really wanna bring those back.

28. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
~every now and then...

29. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.

30. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band

31. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.

32. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you
exchanged friendship bracelets.
~well yeah! those bitches.

33. You owned a pair of jelly sandals
~several pairs, in several colors

34. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you
are, but what am I?"

35. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

36. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

37. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide.
~more than once, but i thought that was just me.

38. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
~yeah. and i was ashamed cuz i sucked.

39. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
~haha. luckily i never had one there. but i sooo did at jungle jim's

40. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "totally awesome."
~not saying, but thinking

41. You remember Popples.

42. "Don't worry, be happy."

43. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights.
~yes. flourescent ones all rolled down so that they were on top of each other...i was hot.

44. You wore socks scrunched down..
~not just scrunched. rolled, baby.

45. "Miss MARY MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
~with silver buttons, buttons, buttons all down her back, back, back...

46. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
~i still have a boom box, yo

47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
~fuck yeah. first movies to be rated pg-13 (for damned good reason. they scared the shit out of me...that's not saying much though)

48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stares"

49. You remember watching Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies
~oh dude. you have no idea. i had rainbow brite boots and an entire collection of my little ponies. the real test is if you guys remember seabert.

50. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
~well, yeah. he was kinda scary though. stacey had a big doll of him, and i never really knew what it was, and it always scared the shit out of me.

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
~i still have their towels

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By
the Bell," the ORIGINAL class. (it was totally based in Indy)
~no, but court does!

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME


oh, memories...

current mood: reminiscing
Comments: 2 models - walk the runway.
Saturday, February 26th, 2005
12:35 pm - sweet the sting
now i'm a thief...

» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:


» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms (the way i act):

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Are we close?
[13] Emotionally, what stands out?
[14] Do you wish I was cooler?
[15] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[16] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[17] Am I loveable?
[18] How long have you known me?
[19] Describe me in one word.
[20] What was your first impression?
[21] Do you still think that way about me now?
[22] What do you think my weakness is?
[23] Do you think I'll get married?
[24] What about me makes you happy?
[25] What about me makes you sad?
[26] What reminds you of me?
[27] What's something you would change about me?
[28] How well do you know me?
[29] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[30] Do you think I would kill someone?
[31] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

current mood: awake
Comments: 2 models - walk the runway.
Friday, February 25th, 2005
9:15 am - am i alone in this?
a matter of complicationCollapse )

current mood: tired
Comments: walk the runway.
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
5:36 pm - thought i had a witness

so yah. the new season is being filmed in austin, and they're currently in the process of filming it. so me and aneesh are walking to chipotle this afternoon to grab some lunch, and they're filming on the drag! so i walk right in front of the cameras--pretending to be cool and whatnot--and yay!!!! so even if i'm edited out, i'm at least on the footage. fuck yah.

i'm happy. but i think it's naptime.

current mood: needy
Comments: walk the runway.
Friday, February 18th, 2005
9:28 am - the way she paints the world i want that in my life
gotta love how i study for 10 hours straight (literally) and STILL think i failed my chem test.

current mood: frustrated
Comments: 2 models - walk the runway.
Friday, February 11th, 2005
8:54 am - i somehow find that you and i collide
goodness goodness. let's see...

so i went to the convention center last night to see matt's dad's band play. the only problem is, my fucking bus broke down on the way there...i don't think city buses are allowed to break down! especially when i'm on one, and i have no clue about where i'm headed, really. i was just praying that it would take me somewhere close to ceasar chavez st. sixth street? fine. anything. JUST NOT ON THE OTHER FUCKING SIDE OF I-35!!!!! thanks, capital metro!!! grr. it also didn't help that it was just me and some other chick on the bus, so they were taking their sweet time getting it fixed.

but i really shouldn't complain. matt and his dad were on their way into town at that point, so i called them and it turned out they were like one exit away (austin rush hour translation? minimum five minutes away) so i ran out of the broken bus and to a citgo on the side of the access road about .25 or .5 miles away and sat on the curb, waiting for them to come pick me up. as they pulled into the gas station, i tried to look really sad and pathetic...didn't work. needless to say, we all started cracking up.

city buses breaking down? lost in scary downtown ghetto austin east side? this is so typical of me.


okay. fun stuff, cuz i'm bored, unmotivated, and it's rainy, so i don't wanna do anything i planned on doing this morning (which wasn't all that productive anyway, so whatever).

1. reply with your name and i will say something about you

2. i will name a song that reminds me of you

3. i will name a single word that describes you

being meCollapse )

current mood: good
Comments: 2 models - walk the runway.
Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
12:45 pm - accidentally in love
yeah...so i don't really have anything to say, i just feel obligated to post to let you guys know that i'm still alive.

this whole class-in-the-morning thing isn't really working out. i did go to my 8 o'clock class this morning (i have my father calling me at 7:30 to make sure that i get up), but i came back and decided to take a nap before my 11 o'clock class. needless to say, didn't make it to genetics. and now i have to face about 6 or 7 hrs of research...hurray for crunching numbers and whatnot. i'm not complaining--i actually really like it. and i'm busting ass, and i think my prof knows it. so yay.

matt played on 6th st last night, at the vibe. mardi gras, baby! it was really fun. he picked me up and then we got stuck in austin traffic, trying to find the club. we got to go past the police barricades, though, b/c he was with the band--that was really cool (they set up barricades all around 6th so that no one can get in). so we walk a block to get his drums to the club, and then we proceed to park 6 blocks away--closest parking available. but yeah. so it starts drizzling a little, but that doesn't kill mardi. i got to meet patrick's girlfriend, anna, and she was really sweet.

the vibe itself is kinda cool. it's half outside, half inside, and the outside part (which is really more towards the interior of the building, if that makes any sense) has tents set up and whatnot. that didn't stop the rain from getting on the seats and me from sitting in them, though. hurray for soaking my skirt. blah.

it was really cold, too. so yeah, i kinda regretted wearing a skirt, but it was really cute. i was excited. when the gig was over (i took pics on my camera phone, and now have a shot of their band as my phone wallpaper), matt gave me the keys to his car and sent patrick and anna with me to go fetch it. as we were walking, some mexican guy came up to me and asked me to flash him for a strand of beads. totally crossed my arms around my chest and gave him a nasty look.

they were selling mardi beads at the club, so i bought a bunch. now i get to hang them from my car--i'm such a follower and a dork, but i don't care. when anna saw them, she was like, "hey! how'd you get the beads?" and i say in a really cutesy voice, "i bought them." everyone laughed, and anna said, "you have to make up some crazy story, like, 'yah, there was this homeless guy, and....'" I smiled and said, "yeah, but this way preserves my innocence." i know that guys like the idea of uncorrupted innocent girls, and needless to say, all the guys around started smiling and laughing. don't worry--not being unfaithful to matt...i stayed right by his side and cheered him on the whole time.

matt...he's been such an angel to me lately. just needed to say that. =)
(he bought me "kpax" and "mona lisa smile"--yay! and he's getting me "the beekeeper" as my vday gift when it comes out---YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

hmm...need to go check the mail and get motivated to go to class/research. and i gotta pee.

love ya'll!

current mood: happy
Comments: 2 models - walk the runway.
Saturday, February 5th, 2005
6:53 pm - who did you did you
lalala! just letting ya'll know that i'm still alive and well--haven't updated in a while. me and matt are just hanging out...we celebrated vday yesterday (a little early, i know) but damn those college profs and giving tests on/after vday. grr.

yes. so i'm officially researching and whatnot. my life has become completely devoted to it, so blahhhhh. but whatever.

tomorrow i have to see the parents. my entire family is sick, practically. and while they tell stacey to not bother coming down b/c they don't want to get her sick, they have no problem having me come down. my mom can't even recognize my voice on the phone anymore. i was talking to her for a good five minutes the other day, until she finally asks, "who IS this?" she thought it was stacey. goodness. not even gone for a year yet.

okay...i have carpel tunnel syndrome today, so i'm off.

love ya'll!

current mood: normal
Comments: walk the runway.
Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
5:03 pm - surrender then start your engines
welcome back, meCollapse )

current mood: sleepy
Comments: walk the runway.
10:24 am - if you know me so well, then tell me which hand i use

You Are 23 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

current mood: happy
Comments: walk the runway.
10:17 am - father says "bow your head like the Good Book says"
yay! first day of classes, and mine rock. well...today, at least. I have child development and psychological statistics....and then i'm going to go help tim (my research professor) get ready for a conference. we're gonna talk about a project that i'm working on this semester, so that's pretty cool/exciting.

and happy news. i found Jesus! yay! it took Him long enough to find me! =)

hope all of ya'll have a great "back-to-school"!!!

love ya'll!

current mood: happy
Comments: walk the runway.
Sunday, January 16th, 2005
6:30 pm - now i think i'm at your mercy
so yes. i'm back at school, and i'm soooo glad to be back. it was weird; as i was stuck in traffic on 35 (yay for typical austin on a sunday afternoon!), i just couldn't help smiling. it was a beautiful day, and for some reason i was just ecstatic to be home. and i still am.

i'm currently warming up my toes. after moving in, i had to move my car across 35, and the shuttles are apparently not running today. so i walked. and it took nearly 45 minutes in mid-30s weather. i think i caught a cold.

well, i can't restrain myself from the sims any longer, so i must go. have a great semester, all!

love ya'll!

current mood: happy
Comments: walk the runway.
Monday, January 10th, 2005
2:53 pm - can't you see i'm tangled up?
ugh i really hate laptops. i know that this is blasphemy to a great many of you out there, but whatever. i don't give a shit, and i really hate them. i despise typing on them, and i'm not gonna correct my spelling from here on out, just so you can see how horrible i am at using this fucking keyboard.

so yes. where to begin, where t begin? i hope all of you had a lovely holiday.,..i kow that many of you are already back at shcool or on your way back or wioll be backl soomn, whatveer. so yes. i hpoe you enjoyed your holiday.

any good new years resolutions? mine is to be mor thealty. needless to say, i really don't think t hat trying that new pure chocolate starbucks drink helped, but other than that, i'm doing okay. i went and worked out for an hhour the other day and hten wehn and did hot yoga wiht ashley for an hour and a half...,i rally thought i was gonna die. it sucked, but rocked at the same time. hurray for empowerment. i've never been so sore in my entire life...that was last wednesday, and this is the first day i can move easily, how pathetic
what else? i went and did ht keystone advisory thingy for the juniors and seniors...that was actually a lot of fun, and i got to see court, which was the b est part of all. we then went aqnd saw closer, got starbucks and smoked way too much., granted, one cigarette is too mich, so i'm not even gonna say how many we acually did smoke.

hmmm..oh yeah. os this whoekl moving in thing with matt. his dad was originally going to give him $300 a montgh for his apartment, but he siad that if i were living the4re, he wouldn't. so here are oiur optiohns, vote if you would like.
1) we live in separate apartments and just take turns staying at each others place
2) me, matt, and patrick live together
3) matt works ohn his dad and tries to get him to give us money anyways
4) matt and i move in adn earn the rent ourselves (be real grownups?! never! haha)

oh well. anyways....i'jm tired of seeing thise typeosk so im gonna headk o0ut. later!

loey yall!

current mood: carefree
Comments: 1 model - walk the runway.
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